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Like usual, it is a long wait for Kitreena to be ready in the morning for breakfast. Today is our 4th attempt to go out for brekky. The three previous attempts, sad to report, have successfully failed.

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In Cucina Mesra this morning as I was working on the modules to be sent to IPDM, Edrick walked in, rubbing his tummy…

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Edrick: Mom, I’m hungry.IMG_5530
Mommy: Me too!
Edrick: Are we going somewhere for breakfast?
Mommy: We’re trying.
Edrick: What do you want to eat?
Mommy: I want to eat a HORSE!
Edrick: Yeah! I’ll have a horse too!
Mommy: I want the biggest one on the menu, okay!
Edrick: Okay Mom, I’ll have the second biggest one.

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I asked Edrick to have some MILO while waiting. He’s fine now and that mug of MILO has saved the second biggest horse on the menu.

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I Thought I Saw

We seldom go shopping for clothes, Monchies and I. Whatever we have that we can wear, we wear them ’til they wear out. And even when they are all worn out, some clothes that we really love are worn out ’til they are torn up. I’m still having a tough time trying to justify why I am in the clothing business, considering how much I do not like shopping for new clothes.

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But the kids are tired of wearing Airwings Merchandise tops, I can tell. So, after Christmas I took them shopping. Kitreena was in dire needs for some ‘girls’ stuff. It was the best time to shop for clothes when everybody else had already spent their mulah prior to Christmas. Malls were quiet and everything was on sale sale sale!

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We had a great time shopping, Monchies and I. So great and so rare, that we were still talking about it a week after. When I picked them up at school one sunny afternoon, Kitreena wished we could go do it again.

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Mommy: But you got everything you wanted, didn’t you?
Kitreena: Not everything.
Mommy: What else did you want?
Kitreena: I wanted Daddy.
Mommy: Huh? Uh… sorry sayang, I can’t help you.
Kitreena: Hehehe…
Mommy: Not for sale. Not on sale.
Edrick: But wait, Mom! I thought I saw him on the shelves.
Mommy: Saw what?
Edrick: Daddy! At RM58.99.
Kitreena: *silent*
Mommy: *silent*
Edrick: *all smiles*

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When I finally got the joke, I broke out in a ROAR of laughter that made Edrick laugh…

Edrick: I haven’t made you laugh this big for a long time, Mom!
Mommy: I know! I just didn’t see it coming!
Kitreena: *tries not to laugh*
Mommy: But why RM58.99 and not RM60.00.
Edrick: That’s after discount.
Mommy: *roars some more*

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Kitreena went quiet in the back seat, and I let her take it easy and take what Edrick said as a joke to lighten up our day. But I did tell her that sunny afternoon, no matter how much we had, some things were just unattainable by money. Some things that were supposedly easy and ready… were the very same things that were not meant to be.

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IMG_0328

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Eventually…

I was ready to go for a nap when Captain Ana and I took Monchies out to see ‘Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Road Chip’ at TGV Sunway Putra a couple weeks ago. It is obvious I am not a fan of Alvin, although it was playing on repeat for many many months in my house when the first Alvin movie came out. I almost thought the kids have grown out of Alvin. Boy! I was wrong.

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And then I was wrong about another thing…
That was when I started to tear up hearing a line from Miles, “Dads are overrated. You’ll get over him leaving, eventually.”

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I found myself looking for a reaction from Kitreena. She looked at me, puckered her lips, shrugged her shoulders, smiled, looked away and then continued watching. It was then that my tears started rolling. And it was then that I knew for sure, I was raising a strong little lady.

Abang Shadow

He was determined to finish his homework by nightfall. Got himself a piece of sugar paper from Mommy’s office downstairs after fighting his own fear to be down there alone. It has been quiet on the ground floor since Teddy’s passing.

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“I’m learning about shadow, Mom. I need to cut out a figure of any shape. And I need two of them.”

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I helped him with the cat shape, of course, and assumed that the M was for Me, the Mommy. I wasn’t ready to hear, “No Mom, M is for Meow.” It was safer to assume, as rejection, even in a small matter like this, matters to mothers.

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It wasn’t long after that that he felt nauseous and had to run for the sink. He lost everything that he had taken today; lunch, the sandwich, the cucumber, the tomatoes, the apple snack, the lot. It all pickled down the drain. Oh my dear Little Big Man.

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IMG_0382

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I am sleeping in the living room tonight, with my eyes wide open, guarding my little Abang Sado, closer than his own shadow… one hand holding a barf bag, the other a roll of paper towels. Charcoal pills, check. Tiger balm, check. Love, check. Tenderness, check. Patience, check check!

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It has been a while since he last got ill. It was almost nostalgic tonight putting a diaper on Edrick, hosing down his soiled undies and mopping the floor after a projectile muntah. But he will be well soon. I know for sure.

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I am here.

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Se-Mentara

Kalau nak sangat sedih,
biar sedih betul-betul.
Sedih habis-habis.
Sebab sedih itu,
dalam sakit dan perih-payahnya,
sementara.

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Kalau nak sangat menangis,
biar menangis betul-betul.
Menangis habis-habis.
Sebab menangis itu,
dalam pedih dan bengkak-bengkilnya,
membasuh jiwa.

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Sedih lah. Menangis lah.
Penat sedih, penat menangis nanti, kita berhenti.
Letih sedih, letih menangis nanti, kita berdiri.

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Tak mati.IMG_5194
Ada masa lagi.

 

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*Enida
Mesra Terrace
15 Disember 2015

Some time in October…

It was just him, these two days. His sister is recovering from the battle with the haze. Today, to distract us from thinking too much and being bothered by the pollution, I asked him about the most interesting lesson he learned at school.

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Edrick: Mom, I think microbes are amazing.

Mommy: Oh yes they are.

Edrick: And it is amazing how many diseases they can cause.

Mommy: That is because they are super duper tiny, they can get into anything.

Edrick: Yeah, I know. Mom, have you ever had wumps?

Mommy: You mean, mumps or lumps?

Edrick: Hahaha sorry, not wumps. I mean mumps.

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I had a big laugh that I forgot to tell him the story of my humps.
Uh! I mean mumps!

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Mumps

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Menangguk di Ayer Keroh

Driving all the way home from Klebang Besar, Melaka, after sending items for a 6-day booth (event), I went through some thoughts. And some feelings too, honestly.

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Listening to the Monchies’ snore, I actually felt bad that I had to drag them with me on an over 300-kilometer journey like that on a week night. They brought their homework with them and they did try to work on it when we had a drink at a warung. Monchies slept almost all the way up because they were tired from school. And they slept all the way home, because it was simply bedtime.

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I felt bad, though… at some point, that life has taken us on this path. This having-to-pack-the-kids-wherever-I-go path that we’ve been on since Bibik left is sure taking some toll on Monchies’ time and energy. I felt bad that I have not been able to ask people for help in babysitting the kids, and that was because of my trust issue and my I-can-do-it-all syndrome.

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But then again, I would not have done it any other way. I am just an everyday girl, yes. With an everyday life, indeed. And this running-around-selling-tshirts business has put me where I belong, counting my blessings every day with my kids in my car, and in my arms, whenever and wherever I want.

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Ayer Keroh, Ayer Molek, or Ayer Jerneh, we are together. That’s all that matters. These little ones don’t stay little forever.

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